I’m bummed. And I don’t know why.  I have good ideas, but honestly – when I try to put the pieces together, it just doesn’t add up.  What’s missing?  Gots me feelin like:

My job is stressful, yes.  But I think that’s true of any job that works with…people.  But deadlines are imposed, impossible deadlines.  I’m surrounded by negativity.  And I think the worst part is that I really do work in the ghetto – it’s a very industrial area, since it’s manufacturing.  Many stray dogs, all of whom I want to save. But what am I gonna do, be late to work every day?  Miss meetings to feed Fido? I’ve been reaching out to BARC, but today I was just told that there aren’t enough resources.  Sad.  So…many stray dogs and what I’m sure was one prostitute.

Training.  It’s ok.  Running is no problem.  Swimming is alright.  Bike?  I’m a failure.  It’s supposed to be the EASIEST part.  I can’t even use the shoe cages yet.  I don’t know when or how to gear up and down.  I tried to signal the other day and almost fell.  And I’m just frustrated because the training schedule is like – ok 60 minutes of bike on Tuesday and Thursday.  HELLO?!  I can barely ride 20 minutes at a time….        And…ok…not to be conceited, this is just pure fact (and my sister is the same way and we discussed it a few weeks ago)…I’m pretty much good at everything.  Everything I try, it just comes naturally.  I’m good with people, I’m pretty good at sports, I can figure computer shit out. AND THIS FUCKING BIKE DOES NOT COME NATURALLY. Why won’t it?!

Today was really uplifting donation-wise.  I tweeted that I was $5 away from $1400 – and suddenly I had $75 in donations.  That was awesome.  I’m so grateful to everyone, especially the repeat donators.  Here’s the part where I’m a horrible person – I can’t help but think of the people who HAVEN’T donated for the SECOND season in a row  – in the back of my head.  Especially people who I’ve supported, monetarily or otherwise.  Not everyone has the money to spend, I get that.  But $5?  $5.  Every dollar counts.  It’s not like it’s my shoe fund – this is for cancer.  It’s just a bummer.  But I remember what one of the staff members said at a meeting - “Some of your best friends won’t donate a dime and some strangers will donate $100.00.” – WITNESS.

Another quality I’ve been noticing in people – and I notice it because I used to possess this quality (and probably still do to some degree even though I’m trying not to): being “honest” – and I put it in quotes because this is what people tell themselves to feel better about what they’re saying – but really being rude.  Nobody needs you to be as honest as YOU feel like you should be.  If you think it might hurt someone, keep it to yourself.  “I’m just being honest!”  No, you’re being rude and I will punch you in your stupid face.  It’s just mean.  Don’t lose friends over needing to feel self-righteous. Kthxbye.

Also – I’ve been kind of quiet on the fact that I’ve lost nearly 20 lbs since moving back to TX – all the weight I gained in Charlotte.  But I’ve gained 3 lbs the past month and I KNOW it is from stress – oy.  I’m fatigued, I’m starving all the time, and I’m so fucking blue.

Um…so that’s all….venting…etc.  Pub Crawl is comin’ up – light at the end of the tunnel since that’s my biggest fundraiser and also a helluva time, even though it takes forever to set up.  Don’t worry – everyone coming – I’m not going to be at all bummed that day.  I will be ready to go!

But for now….just let me be bummed.

Since our move to Houston, I’ve felt like this has been the start of a completely new chapter of our lives.

We sold our house and moved BACK across the country.  Shane moved to a new position within his company (he’s the most loyal employee EVER – he’s been with his company since after his junior year of college).  We lived in two different apartments and then moved into our new house. The dogs have been happily adjusting to their pocket-sized backyard and shiny wood floors (they slide all over the place when they run around!).

But I was in the same job, working for the team back in Charlotte.  There was a LOT of disconnect after I moved here, not being with the rest of the team.  And I just didn’t feel like I was in the right place at the right time. 

So I’ve been on the hunt for a fabulous new job.  And you guys….

I GOT IT.

I GOT THE FABULOUS NEW JOB.

It seems like a perfect fit, like it’s the one I’ve been waiting for.  I still feel like I’m in a dream, like I’m going to wake up and they’ll be all, “Hahahahha, you thought you got this job?! Sucka!!”

I’m not offering any details as to what it is yet, since I don’t start til April 4^th. But I just know it’s going to be wonderful. 

Now all of this change is hitting me like a brick wall and feels really really real.  It’s funny because I’ve now lost almost all of the weight (20 lbs, yall) I gained in Charlotte.  Best friend J came to visit from Chicago on her spring break last week and she merely said, “Texas is good for you.”  Texas IS good for me.  It’s my home.  I simply know in my heart we’re going to be so happy here in Houston.  We already are.

Gratuitous picture of Shane at Warrior Dash…he doesn’t look so happy here, but I promise he is!  We had a blast with our friends MA and Jay:

Oh man.  I am so bored.  I am just SO BORED.  I know I really just need to shake things up on all fronts.   I’ve been making a conscious effort to engage in activities I wouldn’t normally do on my own, be they athletic, artistic, or otherwise.  Now, the things I’m about to bring up sound extremely exciting.  So then why do I just get this sense of unrest?  Maybe I really need a vacation.  I’m taking this Friday off to clear my head and get some time to spend however I want…for the most part.   I really need to SHAKE THINGS UP.  And I’ve gotta think of different ways to do so – that don’t involve cooking a baby in my uterus – I’m bored, I’m not crazy….JUST KIDDING, mama friends (sort of…kind of…oh screw it - you’re nuts, all of you!)….  ;o)

Here’s how exciting my life is right now (except for… OSTENTATIOUS YAWN):

- Blondes vs. Brunettes (BVB) recruiting!  Powder Puff football game benefitting the Alzheimer’s Association.  Have friends in Dallas who adore it and now I’m so happy I can be a part of it!
- Book club – I have my three suggestions ready to go: Snow Flower and the Secret Fan, The History of Love, and The Glass Castle
- Bella Body – a piyo class with fun gals this Thursday. I hope we immediately follow it up with stuffing our faces.
- Pinot’s Palette  – Painting Klimt’s “The Kiss” with Aimee and Leah.  Mine is going to look not so much Klimt and way more Jackson Pollock.  Whatevsies.
- Team in Training (TNT) - training for the San Diego Rock ‘n Roll Marathon starts this Saturday! I couldn’t be more pumped.  Benefitting the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society
- Junior League - (I know, I’m a white-gloved housewife; sue me).  Several upcoming meetings.
- Bridal Shower – for my gorgeous sis-in-law Aimee on March 19th!
- Warrior Dash on March 20th with SHANE, MA, and Jay.  I’m basically going to pound Four Loko, throw on a viking hat, and go at those obstacles hardcore.

And let’s throw in there OH I DON’T KNOW, buying a house, dates, appointments, an interview or two, a trip to Shreveport. I think that take us through the month of March.

So why the long face [on my head]?  No se, mis amigos, no se.  Maybe I’m just anxious to get into the house (21 days!!!!!!!!!) and get settled down.  Maybe things won’t change til I force them to.  But how? I feel like I’m doing everything I can to stay busy and not be painfully mundane – routine is awful.  I threw out shaving my head, but that got nixed (damn). 

How do you keep busy?  Is this feeling inevitable?

I’ve been sitting on pins and needles a lil bit, as I feel in limbo right now.   It’s just a waiting game at this point and for some reason I thought waiting would be a lot more fun!

You know…maybe if I could wait at home in my pjs, munch on some popcorn and stare at my iPhone.  While watching JERSEY SHORE.

Did any of yall ever WILL your phone to call?  And then it would – the exact person you were hoping to call did!!  The last time that happened was when I was a junior in high school just HOPING my homecoming date would call to ask me out – and he did!  Of course he turned out to be a total douchelord, as it were.  BUT STILL, IT WORKED.  I must have ESPN* or somethin.

I need to put that to good use.

*Dad, this is a joke and a reference to the movie Mean Girls.  I know it’s ESP.

So, as some of you know, I quit my job at a global corporation in December.  It was not a good fit and I didn’t like the person it had turned me into or the life I had, to say the very least.  Since then I have been doing some contract work in HR and am just mingling about. 

I’d like to explore different career paths, but it’s hard for me to reconcile that desire with “hey! I have a lot of experience in HR!  and people will pay me accordingly!”

I wouldn’t have so much of a problem with it if it weren’t for credit card/student loan stuff to pay.  Not to mention, I like having stuff.  Who doesn’t?  I want a new computer, I want a new car – basically I like y’know…stuff.

Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure does help!

We’ll see what happens.  I’m just gonna fly by the seat of my pants – what else is new?!