In which I feel like…

I feel like I go out of my way, fall all over myself, to make sure I can accommodate my friends and support them and go to all the things they want me to go to and do everything they want.

Recently, I just feel jerked around.  I’m busier than your average bear and don’t have time to be passive-aggressive or wishy-washy or…well…rude.  If I’m rude, it’s because I’m intending to be.  Because you’ve pissed me off.  I don’t understand how people are SO RUDE without meaning to be.  Also, SO CLASSLESS.

My absolute biggest pet peeve is people who don’t RSVP – were you raised by wolves??  Fucking let people know if you’re going.  Facebook has even provided a “maybe” button for you, if you’re one of those people who can never make up their goddamned mind – which is in itself annoying. Thanks.

The older I get, the harder I find it to force friendships and ignore the fact that I can’t stand how the person operates.  My personality is just too strong…can’t help it, Lady Gaga says I was born this way.

I DON’T HAVE TIME TO BE JERKED AROUND, LIED TO, NOT RESPONDED TO, ETC.  Especially by my “friends.”  Time to make a concerted effort to cut people out of my life who make me so ragey.  Nothing makes your blood boil like finding out you’ve been lied to.  I try to be as straight up honest as I can – unless I need to tell a white lie to spare a friend’s feelings.  But I’m tired of extending courtesies to people who don’t reciprocate.  So – you’re cut out. Byes now.

I feel better already!

Why a 70.3?  Because a 70.4 would just be silly!

I can’t believe it – I finished my first half ironman on Sunday!  That’s right, you sillies.  I swam 1.2 miles, biked 56 miles, and ran 13.1 miles (a half marathon, mind you) – and, unbelievably to me, I did it within the official time limit of 8 hours. HAH.

Oilman Texas (formerly Iron Star) was held in Montgomery, Texas – about an hour north of Houston.  I stayed in a hotel in Conroe 10 miles away the night before so I wouldn’t have to drive 50 in the morning instead.  Luckily for me, it was TIME CHANGE – hallelujah, an extra hour of sleep on race day!  My parents came in town and I was also giving them an evaluated tour of the Holocaust Museum (my Junior League placement) – that took up a few hours.  We went to Yia Yia Mary’s for dinner, which turned out to be the perfect pre-race fuel.  Those Greeks know how to do it.

I didn’t even have time to get nervous.  I took half a Benadryl at the hotel and was knocked out til 5am, when I got my wakeup call and packed up my gear to head to the race site.  I took an anti-stress tablet and those things must work because I was shockingly cavalier about the entire thing.  I kept saying to myself…ok, go for a swim, and then you’ll go for a long bike ride, and then a run.  I wasn’t concerned about my time.  Goal 1 was to finish.  Goal 2 was to finish in under 8 hours.  And my final goal was to finish in under 7 hours (spoiler: didn’t happen).

Walking out of transition to the swim start – ready to go!

Ok, ok, prayer, national anthem, blah blah – let’s go!  I’m somewhere in there with the rest of my pink-capped friends…

Swim (49:30): I wish I had a long-sleeved wetsuit.  The officials said it was 70 degrees, but there’s no way – it had to be at least 65.  It was SO COLD – I didn’t warm up the entire time.  I felt really bad for the girls not wearing a wetsuit at all.  Compared with previous races and yards/minute, this was a rather slow swim for me.  Eh, well – whatya gonna do?

Done with the swim!

T1 (6:06): Wetsuit strippers did their thing – first time I’ve had my wetsuit stripped off of me, that was weird.  And it works!  That thing flew off! Then, socks, cycling shoes, and I was off on the bike.

Bike (3:53:25):  Well…since I was shooting for 3:30 on the bike…we can see that didn’t happen.  Yes, this is a pretty bad time.  Keep in mind I could barely ride a bike in June, when I joined the TNT Tri team.  At least a vast improvement?  Also…I fell at mile 52.  Ah, I was so close!  I knew if I could just finish the bike, I would finish the race no problem.  One foot in front of the other for the run (read: jog/walk). The bike course was a big loop in Montgomery and Grimes counties, with a short out and back near the halfway point.  Approximately 10 miles of new chip seal – my teeth almost rattled out of my skull.  No matter.  Glad I didn’t get a flat at least.  That would have taken more time than the fall.

This photo was taken about a mile after I got back on the bike – spot the war wounds.  Dangit.

T2 (4:24): Had to take a potty break.  I’m sure my mother was very proud that despite my deliberate attempts, I couldn’t pee while riding a bike.  It isn’t ladylike, after all. The whole time on the bike, I kept saying to myself, “Run=race belt, run=race belt.”  I have a tendency to forget about my race belt, which you’re supposed to wear or something.  Change shoes, Garmin on.  Why I felt the need to check and make sure that I was indeed at a snail’s pace, I don’t know.

Run (2:56:02): While this pace is laughable for me, I take heart in the fact that it would be a pretty decent half marathon for a lot of people.  I cut myself some slack – I really felt like I was giving it everything I had after that bike.

I look pretty stoked to be running a half marathon.  Stupid.

Mile 13 behind me.  Ironic foreshadowing.

It was a 3-loop course, so I passed my adoring fans several times – The Shanester, my parents, and Patrizia and her boyfriend Scott came too!  They kept me pumped up.  I’m not gonna play it cool – I walked a LOT, esp through the gravel area.  So silly.  And here I am running through grass – just a midday frolic. Random terrain, it was.

Finally, FINALLY – I clocked in at 7:49:29. Much like my first marathon…YES, I could have pushed harder…but I just wanted to finish.  That’s it.  Guaranteed PR.  Next time I’ll be quicker.  And well, I obviously need more training on a bike.  Hook ‘em!

I finished 16 out of 19 in my category, exactly like at the US Open Tri – and two of these were DNFs.  I was the next-to-last finisher out of females age 25-29.  Oh wait, hold on – I don’t care.

It was a great day.  I did every single one of those 70.3 miles and I’m a half ironman!

We had 2 trick-or-treaters.  Teenagers not in costume.

I threw them a passive-aggressive, “And what are YOU supposed to be?” – but not too snarky, I’m scared of kids between the ages of 12 and 19. I mean, what if they wanted to bust a cap?

So…yeah.  But at least I made chili and cornbread muffins.  And we had Oktoberfest beer! And Halloween candy!

Hmph.

I really appreciate everyone’s kind comments on my last post.  It’s inspiring to know that there are people out there fighting for this cause every day.  I’m not a stellar athlete: I do this for a reason.  Do I get enjoyment out of it?  Sure.  But my motivation comes from somewhere else, too.  TNT is rapidly becoming a defining chapter in my life – I’ve made new friends, gotten back in shape, and raised more money than I thought would be possible for this cause….with no intent to stop.

I can’t express my gratitude enough to those of you who have been inspired to donate to this worthy cause – the money you donate WILL help find a cure.

I’m ready to get back into “marathon shape,” (remember the part where I didn’t really train all summer?  IT WAS HOT OUTSIDE) but first… my final triathlon this season is rapidly approaching – Oilman.  Shoutout to my buddy Alex for encouraging me to go for it!
It is not an official Ironman branded race, but it is a half iron distance (70.3 miles: 1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike, 13.1 mile run).  I’m excited!  The swim is actually not that much further than an Olympic distance, but the bike and run are a little over double.

Do you hate triathlon?  So does this guy. Like, a lot.  SkinnyRunner posted this on her site and he’s gotten tons of new comments.  Mazels.

Make no bones about it – I’m a smug, rich asshole but that has nothing to do with sports.  I kid, I kid.  I totally have the Hyundai of bikes.  But I get what he’s saying.  It’s hilarious to pass these out-of-shape guys who think they’re the shit on their $3k bikes.  I might actually LOL if they’re wearing one of these bad boys:

YES, I KNOW THAT’S PHOTOSHOPPED.

Anyway.  Shane cooked dinner tonight and cleaned up afterward – he’s the best.  He just got back in from 10 days in Austin, New York/New Jersey, and Memphis – oy.  I did all the laundry while he was gone, but that was the extent of my housewifeliness (it’s a word).  I’m just so busy.

Here’s a dumb pic of me doing Shane’s laundry when he lived in Beaumont and we were just crazy kids – boyfriend and girlfriend, wooooooo.  He probably thought he had hit the jackpot and that I’d wait on him hand and foot.  He was sure in for a rude awakening.  To be clear – if we can afford it, I’ll stay home when we have kids.  I negotiated that shit up front.

Between a demanding full-time job, training, Junior League obligations, web design projects, responsibilities around the house, plus trying to scrap together a social life, I feel like I’m burning the candle at both ends.  I’m ready for a BREAK.  Know what I mean?

I have to learn to say NO to people.  Just a simple, “No, I can’t make it.”  Followed by vegging on the couch with the dogs!  A Shiner Oktoberfest never hurts either.

What do you do when YOU need a break?

Agh!  Ashley hit me with a Blissful Blogger award!

The rule: Write 9 things that most people don’t know about you.

1) My childhood nickname was Sweetie Doll.  The woman who took care of me every day til first grade said I was sweet and was as tiny as a doll.  She was my “adopted grandmother” and I knew when she died in 2006 that the nickname would likely die with her.  I was, for the most part, right.

2) I live with (hate the term “suffer from”) chronic depression and (perhaps consequently) trichotillomania.  I’m very self conscious about my hair.

3) I use humor as a defense mechanism.  I try not to let anyone too close. Actually, everyone probably knows that.

4) I won the district spelling bee in 5th grade and went on to take runner-up out of all the 5th-8th graders (…bitch).  I respect people less if they use poor grammar and/or spelling.  Not kidding.

5) I have a scar on the inside of my right wrist from when a family friend pushed me in the pool.  I hit it way too hard on the tile that separates the pool from the hot tub – I think that was about 12 years ago.

6)  My hand-eye coordination SUCKS.  I can dance something fierce and am fairly athletic but give me a sport that involves balls (no jokes, please), and it’s over.  Basketball is hopeless, volleyball hurts, and softball is just downright depressing.  Bat AND ball?  Trouble.  I’m glad nobody at work has invited me to play ping-pong in the break room (I work in HR, they all hate me).

7)  I am fiercely loyal.  Talk shit about me all day long if you want to, but don’t talk shit about my family or friends – I’ll rip your throat out.  Treat them badly and you’ll have to answer to me (and Best Friend J, who aids and abets in all sabotage).

8 ) I was painfully shy until about 12 years old – I wouldn’t talk to people I didn’t know, I was easily embarrassed, and didn’t have a whole lot of friends.  That all changed when I went to performing arts camp in New York and they MADE me come out of my shell.  New Yorkers are like that, yknow.

9)  My life is just not where I thought it would be at 26.  In certain aspects, at least.  I always thought I’d get married in my 30s, if at all, and have some sort of satisfying career, maybe be in the Peace Corps or work for a non-profit, I dunno.  Instead I’m the girl that married early (hey, no complaints on finding my life partner at the ripe age of 19!) and has no clue what to do.  WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Who to tag?

Kelly

Katherine

Terra

Phil

I’m a failure at BEDS.  Nobody is surprised.  Yeah, yeah, I know it was my idea but c’mon!  I HAVE COMMITMENT ISSUES.  Especially with blogging.

I just haven’t felt inspired lately.  What should I say?  My job blows?  Yes, I am SO LUCKY to have a good job.  And I refer back to the post where I thought it was going to be awesome.  But the thing is yall…I sold out.  TRUE. But I went for a job that I really wanted, and they didn’t want me…so I just kept selling out.

I am still selling out.  Don’t get me wrong…to be clear, I am awesome at my job.  But it drains me.  I have nothing left to give at the end of the day.  It’s all I can do to run a few miles.

With all the chaos in my life – web design, docenting, TNT, Junior League – I could really handle working part-time.  PLEASE DON’T JUDGE ME IF I WORK PART-TIME AND EAT BON-BONS PART-TIME.

But really.  Work…other stuff…I just don’t have time or – really – the energy to blog.  SAD.

And I don’t want to be all sardonic and snarky in every post, which is usually how I am late at night – gimme a long day and a glass of wine and I’m done.

See ya on the flip side.

Most of my week this week has been trying to help a stray dog.  Really.

I got emotional at work.  My boss asked if he did something wrong.  No, no.  It’s because of a dog.  That, and I haven’t finished Kelly Cutrone’s book If You Have to Cry, Go Outside.

Except I just finished it and it was pretty great.  I don’t agree with everything but she’s quite the smarty.  I love a strong woman.

I can’t talk about that right now, except to say she has a safe place to go on Friday.  I’m looking forward to driving her there.  More on it later, lest I get emotional.

But here’s the thing.  People tell me all the time that they’re busy.  And…well…I sort of want to laugh.  In their faces.  I work full-time.  I train for shit – right now I’m tied to three events, triathlons and marathons (my choice, I know, but for a good cause).  I’m in training for Holocaust Museum Houston.  I try to maintain a social life.  I have dogs.

My schedule this week is as follows – not that I think you care, just to give you an idea.

Monday – work 8am-5:30pm, cooking class (fundraiser) 6pm-9pm.
Tuesday – work 8am – 5:30pm, docent training 6:30pm-9pm.
Wednesday – work 8am – 5:30pm, triathlon training 7pm – 8:30pm.
Thursday – work 8am – 5:30pm, docent training 6:30pm-9pm.
Friday – work 8am – 5:30pm, TAKE DOG TO CONROE 6pm- ??
Saturday – wake up at 5am, triathlon training 6am – 9am.  ????

I mean honestly.  Then let’s throw in some site design, some fundraising, some internetting, try to catch up on Google Reader on DVR, and VEDA – what’s VEDA at this point?  I really want to keep doing it but omg it’s 12:15 and I’ve not even been home 2 hours. Oh, also – let’s save a dog too.

I feel like Gretchen Wieners in Mean Girls.  LIKE, WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY CANDY CANES?

I’m bummed. And I don’t know why.  I have good ideas, but honestly – when I try to put the pieces together, it just doesn’t add up.  What’s missing?  Gots me feelin like:

My job is stressful, yes.  But I think that’s true of any job that works with…people.  But deadlines are imposed, impossible deadlines.  I’m surrounded by negativity.  And I think the worst part is that I really do work in the ghetto – it’s a very industrial area, since it’s manufacturing.  Many stray dogs, all of whom I want to save. But what am I gonna do, be late to work every day?  Miss meetings to feed Fido? I’ve been reaching out to BARC, but today I was just told that there aren’t enough resources.  Sad.  So…many stray dogs and what I’m sure was one prostitute.

Training.  It’s ok.  Running is no problem.  Swimming is alright.  Bike?  I’m a failure.  It’s supposed to be the EASIEST part.  I can’t even use the shoe cages yet.  I don’t know when or how to gear up and down.  I tried to signal the other day and almost fell.  And I’m just frustrated because the training schedule is like – ok 60 minutes of bike on Tuesday and Thursday.  HELLO?!  I can barely ride 20 minutes at a time….        And…ok…not to be conceited, this is just pure fact (and my sister is the same way and we discussed it a few weeks ago)…I’m pretty much good at everything.  Everything I try, it just comes naturally.  I’m good with people, I’m pretty good at sports, I can figure computer shit out. AND THIS FUCKING BIKE DOES NOT COME NATURALLY. Why won’t it?!

Today was really uplifting donation-wise.  I tweeted that I was $5 away from $1400 – and suddenly I had $75 in donations.  That was awesome.  I’m so grateful to everyone, especially the repeat donators.  Here’s the part where I’m a horrible person – I can’t help but think of the people who HAVEN’T donated for the SECOND season in a row  – in the back of my head.  Especially people who I’ve supported, monetarily or otherwise.  Not everyone has the money to spend, I get that.  But $5?  $5.  Every dollar counts.  It’s not like it’s my shoe fund – this is for cancer.  It’s just a bummer.  But I remember what one of the staff members said at a meeting - “Some of your best friends won’t donate a dime and some strangers will donate $100.00.” – WITNESS.

Another quality I’ve been noticing in people – and I notice it because I used to possess this quality (and probably still do to some degree even though I’m trying not to): being “honest” – and I put it in quotes because this is what people tell themselves to feel better about what they’re saying – but really being rude.  Nobody needs you to be as honest as YOU feel like you should be.  If you think it might hurt someone, keep it to yourself.  “I’m just being honest!”  No, you’re being rude and I will punch you in your stupid face.  It’s just mean.  Don’t lose friends over needing to feel self-righteous. Kthxbye.

Also – I’ve been kind of quiet on the fact that I’ve lost nearly 20 lbs since moving back to TX – all the weight I gained in Charlotte.  But I’ve gained 3 lbs the past month and I KNOW it is from stress – oy.  I’m fatigued, I’m starving all the time, and I’m so fucking blue.

Um…so that’s all….venting…etc.  Pub Crawl is comin’ up – light at the end of the tunnel since that’s my biggest fundraiser and also a helluva time, even though it takes forever to set up.  Don’t worry – everyone coming – I’m not going to be at all bummed that day.  I will be ready to go!

But for now….just let me be bummed.

1. What’s the recipe for your favorite drink? (Smoothie, alcoholic, coffee, whatever)

Wine.  Er…grape.

2. What kind of razor do you use?

The Venus Soleil triple blade disposable.

3. Who is your favorite Sesame Street character?

Oscar the Grouch.

4. What makes the perfect salad? (Lettuce type, toppings, dressing, etc.)

Spring mix, cherry tomatoes (red and yellow), cucumber, raspberries, chickpeas, light balsalmic

5. What was your favorite subject in school?

English – always.  Give me a good book any day.

6. What’s your favorite summer tradition?

Swimming, watermelon, and 3-day weekends.

7. Do you suffer from season allergies? How do you combat them?

No.

8. How often do you have to charge your cell phone?

Once a day and overnight – but I use it a LOT.

9. Do you have a bucket list?

Yes.  I need to add my life list on here.  You know, with all that free time I have.  Highlights: visiting every continent, racing a Half Iron, writing a book, living in Northern California for awhile, moving back to Austin.

10. Do you have any desire to go back to school?

Feh, sometimes.  Not really right now.