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Lucky.

by Christa on August 7, 2013

in Baby Gins,Daily Digest,Just Nothing,Life Story,Pregnancy

It blows my mind when I really think about being pregnant sometimes. On the one hand, it feels like it was just yesterday when I saw the faintest little second line pop up on the pregnancy test. On the other, OMG I HAVE BEEN PREGNANT FOREVER.

In about a week I’ll be SEVEN months along and it’s really gotten me thinking. Sometimes I forget. I’ll be engrossed in something at work or reading a book or watching a movie, and it doesn’t occur to me to think, “Heyyyy, I’m doin all the stuff and I’m all pregnaaaant, yeah!” That’s changed a little recently, since sometimes she’ll remind me with a sharp kick or double-punch to the bladder. But before (and by “before” I mean “before I started dropping all my food on my protruding belly”) it was easy to forget.

Running has gotten harder, especially in this heat. I have to go early and I have to go slow. I’ve been doing 4:1 intervals for the past month or so (4 minutes running, 1 minute walking) and that helps. Until recently I could still keep the run pace between 9:30 and 10:00 min/mile. That’s changed – it’s more between 10:00 and 10:30 now. I was thinking to myself this morning – could I still run a 5K in under 30 minutes? I think the answer is yes, but it would be hard and I wouldn’t want to. I am trying very hard to go easy on myself.

I think the hardest part isn’t being slow – it’s that my body is not doing what I think it should be capable of doing. Pregnancy has really made me realize that I DON’T have complete control over my body – control freaks don’t like this.

I always thought I’d keep a pretty packed social calendar, because that’s what I’ve always loved to do. I can’t believe I’ve turned into a lame-o who “just [doesn't] feel like going to a party.” But Jesus, I just don’t feel like going to a party.

But yknow? All of this sounds a lot like “me, me, me,” “my, my, my” and I’m not going to be able to do that much longer. My job right now is to keep baby girl safe and happy. And hopefully not too hyped up on sugar (sorry about those doughnuts this morning!).

I remind myself that as of this week, I will be in the LAST trimester. 13ish more weeks and that’s it. And how many kids are we going to have? I’m going to be pregnant for such a small fraction of my life. This is really a time when I should live in the present and just be appreciative – I’m lucky I can still run. I’m lucky I haven’t been violently ill. I’m lucky to have such an amazing support system of friends and family.  Shit, I’m lucky I conceived and can carry this little gal.

stpauls

Lucky. Knock wood.

I don’t know what I’m trying to say here. I was trying to think of the best part of being pregnant and I guess it’s knowing that we’re starting a family. Families come in so many shapes in sizes, and ours is still just beginning to take shape.  It’s really weird, feeling her inside me.  I think, “What are you DOING in there?”  What can she hear?  Does she feel it when I’m in a bad mood?  Does it hurt her when I double over in laughter, or does she just hear and like the sound of my laugh?

I have so many things I want to say about our baby – like how I wonder what her life will be like and who she’ll become. But I’ll save that for another day. There’s too much to wonder about.

What was your favorite or least favorite part of being pregnant? Or what do you think it would be?

When’s the last time you felt truly lucky?

 

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

crystal@thefastfitrunner August 8, 2013 at 12:21 pm

Hard to type with one hand free and the other holding a baby. Practice up, because even the busiest bodies (me….you…) will not want to or be able to get out much with a newborn. The tv, computer, and stroller are my best friends. =)

I mostly loved being pregnant. I loved feeling the baby and getting connected before he was born. The thing I liked least (but really only at the end), was feeling a little limited in what I could do physically. Everything started making my back hurt, even sleeping! Otherwise, everything was on the up and up. I think I dislike being at home so much now more than I did my growing pains in the last 4 weeks. =) But, I know it gets better come 2-3 months in, small price to pay!

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Christa August 9, 2013 at 9:46 am

Hah! Yay for multi-tasking with baby.

I can’t honestly say, “I love being pregnant,” but at the same time it doesn’t feel right to say, “I merely tolerate being pregnant” – somewhere in the middle. I am actually looking much more forward to being stuck at home with her!! For sure, things will get better and easier! :)

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