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Not [always] a funny girl.

by Christa on February 23, 2011

in Daily Digest,Just for Fun,Just Nothing,Life Story

An obscure reference to Ani DiFranco’s (love) Not a Pretty Girl.  But I digress already.

Recently, something’s been bothering me.   I guess I’ve heard it often enough before, but lately there seems to be a barrage of “you’re so funny!” coming my way.  Don’t get me wrong.  I love that people think I’m funny.  And I know I’m funny.  You know how I know?  Because I’m funny.  Follow my circular logic - funny people know that they are funny.  It’s not a mistake.

I honestly think my affinity for humor began from a need to feel – I don’t know?  Attractive somehow…like…attractive personality or something.  Despite what my mother would tell you, I was NOT A PRETTY GIRL as a child.  And my friends who knew me in early years will vouch for this.  J, comments?  Smart?  Yes.  Good dancer? Yes.  Pretty?  A-nooooo.  So the personality and (usually self-deprecating) sense of humor kind of blossomed out of necessity.

It’s not people telling me I’m funny that bothers me…it’s something else.  I’ve been thinking lately – am I still using humor as a defense mechanism?  The answer is yes…unfortunately.  Awkward moment?  Quick Christa, say something funny!  But there are occasions I crack jokes at not the best moment – because I’m feeling uncomfortable, most likely.  Things getting too serious?  Better put up those walls and make a smartass remark.

I want my friends and family to think of me as approachable and someone they can come to with serious issues;  I don’t want to merely be their court jester.  I want to be an open person who can have heart-to-hearts and not be snarky, lest the other person interpret this as me blowing off their feelings.   And I’m really putting forth a concerted effort to make this known. 

So yes, I’m “so funny!”  But I’m other things too, I promise.  Just like I know everyone else is complicated and complex, well so am I.  And simply because I like to talk and make jokes doesn’t mean I’m not a good listener (at least, I try to be).  I’m here for you….yes, YOU!!! All of you.  I ALMOST typed a joke about holding hands and singing Kum Ba Ya.  See?  There I go again.  Hard habit to break.

Let’s part with some lyrics from that wonderful Ani DiFranco tune:

Imagine you’re a girl, just trying to finally come clean…knowing full well they’d prefer you were dirty and smiling.

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